"The Bastardizer Polishes a Turd" by "Chus Martinez"

by Simon Strong

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Streaming + Download

Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.

Purchasable with gift card

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Book/Magazine + Digital Album
SIGNED EDITION

The head of the Copyright and Intellectual Property Enforcement Squad wants his top agent sacked, or put behind a desk. Instead the body count keeps rising because The Bastardizer is 100% obsessed with dishing out street justice on behalf of the music industry. Rules, like bones, were made to be broken. The Bastardizer did not care who got in his way. If they pissed him off he wiped them out!

The Bastardizer had a feeling for violence. That was what compelled him to cripple, maim and murder all those who didn't worship at the altar of the Berne Convention of 1886 and the Paris Act of 1971. The thud of his fist on a copyright infringer's face did something for his soul. The thud of a boot in their groin did more! Pumping copyright violators full of lead was even better... guilty or not he wanted them dead!

What no one could have foreseen was The Bastardizer's chance encounter (on an operating table of all places) with a geriatric pornographer. This caused the story to morph messily into forms of literary experimentation that put the music industry and the book world into a tailspin...

Foreword by Stewart Home
Illustrations by Sönke Rickertsen
plus comprehensive index.

Please ask if you would like the book signed and dedicated. Add an extra $25 and instead of ink I will sign in blood or other bodily fluid of your choice. Please note that alternative fluids may be substituted if your choice is not available. Unsigned copies are available through online booksellers.

Publisher: Cripplegate Books | 178 x 127 mm | 152 pages

Includes unlimited streaming of "The Bastardizer Polishes a Turd" by "Chus Martinez" via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. ... more

ships out within 3 days

$15 AUD or more
Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album
Due to public demand! Here is a talking book edition of the excessively violent bestselling experimental novel! Simon Strong belts through entire text of the funty book over the space of just two CDs. He has to talk very fast to pack in the extra value. it's an animated performance.

The discs come in an elegant three-panel gatefold cover with sleeve notes by Simon describing the project and trying to excuse it. There are also a couple of Bastardizer fun facts thrown in. It's confusing but very pretty and it's adorned Sönke Rickertsen's lovely drawings.

Please mention in the notes if you would like me to sign your copy.

Includes unlimited streaming of "The Bastardizer Polishes a Turd" by "Chus Martinez" via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

ships out within 3 days

$20 AUD or more

1.	Overture 00:28	buy track
2.	Нечитаемая книга 03:52	buy track
3.	27:07:1956 02:03 video	buy track
4.	Unhad Bacon Sarnie 02:20	buy track
5.	23:11:1963 03:36	buy track
6.	Unhad Sarnie Fallout 04:23	buy track
7.	Waiting for the Glueman 03:33	buy track
8.	The Banality of Evil 05:31	buy track
9.	22:05:1965 01:59	buy track
10.	A Doll's House 03:49	buy track
11.	22:11:1968 03:16	buy track
12.	Team Building Exercise 03:20	buy track
13.	10:02:1971 02:29	buy track
14.	Backwards Masking 05:00	buy track
15.	05:1973 03:45	buy track
16.	Peristeronic Sounds 02:12 video	buy track
17.	The House Was Rigged 02:35	buy track
18.	1984 03:10	buy track
19.	Strange Bedfellow 02:28	buy track
20.	12:03:1987 03:02	buy track
21.	Time Isn't Money 04:24	buy track
22.	27:08:1991 03:29	buy track
23.	Gnome-made Pornography 02:49 video	buy track
24.	Eighteen Forty-Two 06:49 video	buy track
25.	Song of a Baker 02:19 video	buy track
26.	1992 02:18	buy track
27.	A Whole Fucking Pound 01:03	buy track
28.	22:11:1994 03:10	buy track
29.	Seven Deadly Segments 03:08	buy track
30.	And Then 11:52 video	buy track
31.	House of Marked Cards 03:51	buy track
32.	24:02:2004 03:06	buy track
33.	Not Many Happy Returns 05:44 video	buy track
34.	18:11:2005 02:56	buy track
35.	It Is Always 1987 02:07	buy track
36.	Stacks of Doom 02:32	buy track
37.	How the Music Business Works 04:12	buy track
38.	04:10:1963 03:24	buy track
39.	Quit While You're Ahead 05:02	buy track
40.	False Ending 01:34	buy track
41.	This Page Intentionally Left Blank 00:05	buy track
42.	Run-out Groove 00:47	buy track

credits

released June 13, 2023

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about

Simon Strong Melbourne, Australia

Born in Sheffield, UK in the 1960s. Worked in AI research and related professions like bookselling and toilet cleaning. Published first experimental novel in 1995. Moved suddenly to Australia in 1996. Wrote more books. Front man for Pink Stainless Tail (group) since 2001 and Ekranoplans since 2017. Has also made several unpopular experimental films. ... more

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